No not as in are you proud of yourself or your work. More as in the big old festival for the LGBTQIA+ community that takes over my local town for a whole weekend. For the first time in what feels like forever, I did not go out with my cameras and document the parade. Instead, I sat in an air-conditioned office wondering which situation I would rather be in. The office definitely won this time round.
Now, Sunday, we did go out to the concert that takes place in essentially my back garden. I spent £28 to sit on some spiky, bone-dry grass and watch drunkards in various states of dress stagger around portaloos and then piss right behind them as they couldn’t figure out how to open the door.
It was at that moment I realised festivals and large public gatherings are definitely not for me. Also reconfirmed the idea that maybe this is something that has always been a fear or anxiety of mine that I am only just starting to fully accept as a part of me and not a flaw.
My introduction to photography was heavily influenced by music and events. I wanted to go to these shows; however, I didn’t really want to pay or more likely, I didn’t have the money to pay. These events had big crowds, usually filled with my friends, and I obviously wanted to hang out with them. To do so I had to stomach these big crowds however I was never fully comfortable and often found myself craving the outside and space away from everyone.
As I get older I realise I never wanted crowds or lots of people and was always happier when outdoors in space away from others. I was simply trying to live a life that I was not supposed to be living. This is the same with the pride festival. I am not cut out to be out in the streets photographing the parade like every other “documentary photographer” I have my own angle and my own way of looking at these events and that is how I should be shooting. Adapt my shooting to my angle not my angle to the shooting.
Below is a video I made last year at pride, in polar opposite a small amount of pictures I made this year.
